Imagine a son, brother, husband, or father sitting alone in the quiet of night, illuminated only by a screen. His heart feels empty, yet his body is drawn into patterns of desire that leave him unsatisfied. In the aftermath comes a heavy wave of shame, self-disgust, and a deep sense that he is unworthy — of love, of God’s mercy, of authentic relationship with others.
This suffering rarely remains isolated. A wife senses his emotional distance, his children feels the subtle fracture in family life, and friends notice a growing withdrawal. And if he’s honest, he knows the isolation is killing him. Pornography and unchaste behaviors do not confine their harm to one soul; they erode trust in marriages, distort perceptions of the opposite sex, and leave children in homes shadowed by unspoken pain and secrecy.
Many who struggle carry invisible burdens — guilt, shame, and inner voices insisting they are beyond repair or unlovable. They long for freedom, yet repeated efforts and failures deepen despair. Dear brother deacons, you have likely encountered this pain: in spiritual direction and in the quiet struggles of parishioners, family members, or friends. Perhaps you have seen joy fade from someone’s eyes when conversations grow guarded. This issue is real and the wounds are legion.
Why This Pain Persists: A Violation of God-Given Dignity
Attachment to pornography and the unchaste behaviors that flow from these behaviors arise from a fundamental distortion of our creation as male and female. We are made in God’s image to love as He loves through self-gift. Our sexuality is integral to this call: not merely an act, but who we are as embodied persons oriented toward communion.
As the Catechism teaches: “Sexuality affects all aspects of the human person in the unity of his body and soul. It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity to love and to procreate, and in a more general way the aptitude for forming bonds of communion with others” (CCC 2332).
When pornography redirects sexuality toward selfish gratification rather than self-donation, it brings not peace or joy, but guilt, shame, and alienation from self and others. Life is relational; anything that hinders authentic communion wounds the person at the core and the damage is inflicted in a myriad of ways.
The Broader Stakes: Protecting the Domestic Church
The family, rooted in sacramental marriage, is society’s fundamental cell — a visible icon of the Holy Trinity’s love. Through our bodies and vocations, we are called to reflect Trinitarian communion. The evil one, hating all that images God, attacks this foundation relentlessly. Pornography serves as a potent weapon, preventing marriages from forming, eroding existing ones, and distorting the next generation’s understanding of love.
Recent data from the Barna Group (2024) indicates that approximately 75% of Christian men and nearly 30% of Christian women report some level of pornography consumption. In a gathering of ten men, roughly seven or eight may carry this struggle; among ten women, three may as well. These numbers reveal a widespread challenge with serious consequences.
For men, pornography often fosters inward self-focus rather than self-giving protection and love. For women, it can falsely teach that their value lies solely in providing pleasure. When men and women fail to see and love each other in truth, marriages suffer, families weaken, and society bears a heavy cost. A 2003 survey of divorce attorneys found pornography a contributing factor in over half of cases, often due to unrealistic expectations that undermine marital intimacy and foster comparisons incompatible with sacrificial love. And with cell phones found in countless bedrooms, the gulch is widening between spouses who are both seeking genuine intimacy.
The lie persists that private behavior remains private. Yet what we consume shapes how we see and treat others — as objects rather than persons made in God’s image. This especially harms children: recent studies place the average age of first exposure around 8-11 years of age, and today’s content is often aggressive and enslaving. Pornography has become the primary “sexual education” for far too many young people, with lasting effects on formation, behavior, and future leadership.
Human trafficking, a related scourge fueled in part by this distorted view of the human person, generates enormous illicit profits (estimated in the hundreds of billions annually). No one begins life desiring such evil; it is learned, often through the normalization of objectification. This distorted “education” about sexuality and the body comes directly from the pornified culture, and the innocent are directly in danger of being harmed by such programmed behaviors.
The Pastoral Urgency for Deacons and the Church
Pornography ranks among the most frequently confessed sins, yet it is infrequently addressed from the pulpit. Many priests acknowledge the issue in the confessional but hesitate to preach on it — perhaps because estimates suggest a significant portion of clergy struggle as well. This is heartbreaking, as those called to lead must themselves seek healing in order to shepherd with integrity.
In 2019, a pew research survey found that only about 3% of self-reporting U.S. Catholics who attend Sunday Mass regularly affirmed the Church’s teaching on the Real Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. This is a significant problem, yet it makes sense: for how can we recognize Christ truly present in the Eucharist if we are conditioned not to see the dignity of the human body and soul in those around us? The Eucharist is the source and summit of our Faith; yet without clear vision of persons as beloved children of God, we cannot perceive the God-man veiled in this Sacrament.
Hope and Healing: Freedom Coaching as a Catholic Response
We believe the Gospel is for all of us, and calls us to receive the gift of redemption. I speak from personal experience: after more than a decade of bondage to pornography, God’s grace brought freedom I never imagined possible (see my book Redeemed Vision: Setting the Blind Free from the Pornified Culture for my full testimony, along with tremendous pastoral guidance on this issue). What started as personal healing has become a full-blown mission to liberate others.
In 2011, Freedom Coaching was founded as an authentically Catholic apostolate and nonprofit. We accompany men and women toward permanent freedom from pornography and unchaste behaviors through transformation of mind, heart, and vision. Unlike approaches focused solely on coping mechanisms, we address root wounds, inviting clients to encounter Jesus Christ the Healer, and then provide them the human and spiritual formation to abide in lifelong freedom.
Our process unfolds in four stages:
- Reintegration — Processing emotions tied to past brokenness, we introduce clients to Jesus as the Divine psychologist, often with profound graces and messages being imparted.
- Neuroscience — Understanding the brain science of attachment, showing why mere willpower is insufficient, and why a different path for lasting healing is necessary.
- Identity Formation — Through the lens of Theology of the Body, clients rediscover their identity as a beloved son or daughter, and then empowered to foster authentic intimacy with God, self, and others.
- Vision Coaching — Learning to see others through the education in art and beauty; scales fall from client’s eyes and lust gives way to genuine love.
This work bears fruit beyond stopping sin: clients begin truly seeing the homeless, the barista at their local coffeeshop, their spouse, and their children with reverence. It is this redeemed vision that transforms culture and is what helps make Christ’s reign visible.
Testimonies abound. Here are a few:
- Jim (2014): “Freedom Coaching has completely freed me from a desire to lust. I can now be honest with myself and others.”
- Fr. Jim (2020): “The process was very supportive in growing in holiness.The power of the evil one was broken. It was one of the best experiences of my life.”
- John (2021): “Freedom Coaching very well may have saved my soul. It has changed my relationship with my wife and given me a newly found respect for all females.”
Freedom Coaching enjoys endorsements from Catholic leaders, including Christopher West of the Theology of the Body Institute, various bishops, and recognition as an official apostolate of the Archdiocese of San Antonio. (I encourage you to visit freedom-coaching.net for more testimonies.)
A call to Deacons: become allies in this battle
The call to live an integrated sexuality is the battle of our time, for it is the primary wound undergirding many societal wounds and profoundly decimates one’s capacity to receive and give love. The need is urgent: souls seek help, priests desire resources, youth need protection. But there is hope: At Freedom Coaching, we have witnessed shame transform into dignity, marriages strengthen, and priests renewed.
We invite you, dear deacons, to join us as allies:
- Pray for our coaches, clients, donors, and all involved.
- Share our resources — ministry cards are available to you, and your priests for the confessional, at no cost.
- Support financially if God prompts — scholarships ensure no one seeking help is turned away. Your generosity helps save marriages, restore fathers, protect children, and renew vocations (including creating more deacons!).
I started this article with a description of man trapped in shame. Now picture that same man standing in light, hand-in-hand with his child, meeting his wife’s eyes with honesty, & entering his parish with hope. This transformation is possible through Jesus Christ and the work we do at Freedom Coaching.
The hour is late, yet as long as we trust in Jesus and respond to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, healing awaits. Let us work together to unveil the reality of mercy, truth, hope, and a redeemed vision of the human person.
Steve Pokorny is the Founder of Freedom Coaching, a one-to-one mentoring system designed to break the power of pornified images in both men and women. His book, Redeemed Vision: Setting the Blind Free from the Pornified Culture, is available from Amazon.
to Contact FREEDOM COACHING, click here: https://www.freedom-coaching.net/
Also, Steve’s book is available at AMAZONG by clicking here: Redeemed Vision