Category Archives: Forgiveness

Rejection – by A.J. Avila

Anxiety and Worry, Communication, Family, Forgiveness, Relationships, Spirituality

We’ve all been on the receiving end of a gift we don’t want. If you can’t stand country music, ripping off the Christmas wrap and finding a CD entitled Country’s Greatest Hits isn’t going to go over very well. Nor is a DVD of a movie you can’t stand, nor a food that contains an ingredient you’re allergic to.
In my life I’ve gotten some pretty bad gifts (see ” Weird Gifts “)
So, when I get a gift like that, I figure there are four options:
1. Trash
2. Donation to charity
3. Sell on eBay
4. Re-gift to someone who will like it
As long as I’m sure the giver won’t find out about it, any of the above can be done without hurting that person’s feelings. So imagine my surprise to discover a different kind of option:
5. Give it back to the person who gave it to you—and tell her to give it to someone else.
Well, that happened to me during Eucharistic Adoration. One of the women of my parish brought back two gifts I had bestowed on her. Now, these weren’t just a couple of things I had picked up at a store. They were items I had created myself.
She’d had them for over a year, but I guess she didn’t want them anymore. I could, she said, give them to someone else.
Uh . . . that’s going to be a bit difficult when one of them—at the woman’s request—was personalized with her first and last names.
Oh, believe me, this wasn’t a case of forgetting who had given them to her. She included a thank-you note addressed to me. I’m not going to say what the gifts were, but I had put hours upon hours of care (and—metaphorically speaking—blood, sweat, and tears) into them. It had been like giving away a bit of my very being.
Sitting there, holding them in my hands, I felt like she had spat in my face. Or, worse, slapped my face.
Okay, I get that not everything I give someone is going to be that person’s cup of tea. But why not go with options 1-4 instead? Why bring these back to the one who gave them to her? Just how did she expect me to react to the message that she was rejecting my gifts? Was this supposed to make me happy?
Anyway, I sat there at Eucharistic Adoration, mostly gazing up at Christ in the Host or at the large crucifix behind the altar. It occurred to me that this must be something Jesus goes through every day—giving the immeasurably greater gift of salvation that He put His time, blood, sweat, and tears into—only to have it thrown back in His face.
I admit I wasn’t looking for an opportunity to be more Christ-like that day, but I guess I got one anyway. Lord, please help me to be more like You in every way.
Even when it hurts.
Especially when it hurts.

No Birthday to Celebrate by Deacon Marty McIndoe

Abortion, Anxiety and Worry, Charity, Ethics, Forgiveness, Pro-Life, Relationships

Recently I saw a Gary Varvel cartoon depicting a multitude of children floating on a heavenly cloud with one saying to the other “I wish I could have celebrated a birthday”. In the cartoon there is another “cloud-baby” reading a newspaper with the headline ROE VS WADE now 35 (it is an old cartoon). The message was quite clear, the souls of all the aborted babies are in heaven, but they wish they had been given the opportunity to be born and enjoy all that our earthly lives enjoy, including birthday celebrations. This really hit me, especially with Right to Life Sunday coming this weekend. I find it difficult to comprehend how our Nation, whose Declaration of Independence says, “We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Our government is supposed to protect these rights for all of us. Yet, the current law of the land allows us to kill unborn babies. We kill almost 2,000 per day. This is a true holocaust whose numbers far exceed any holocaust that man has done in history. We don’t use the term “kill”, we use “abort”. It sounds better but is truly the same thing. Many abortions are pure torture for the “baby” but we use the term “fetus” or “grouping of cells” to sound better. Look at any ultrasound picture; you can see that it is a baby. The torture consists of pulling off arms and legs and crushing heads. So much for the unalienable right to LIFE.
I know that abortion is a complicated topic today. I also know that too often women are in a very sad situation in life and they feel compelled to do this. However, I also know that any good human being must know that killing a defenseless child is bad, and that is what we are doing. Yes a woman does have the right to her own body, but what about the right the unborn baby has to live? No one should have a right to kill another living human being, especially the most vulnerable. It used to be that the Democratic Party prided itself on caring for the poorest and most defenseless but now they are the champions of Abortion. What happened? Certainly it seems that finances come in to play. USA today published an article on Feb 26, 2018 entitled, If the NRA owns Republicans, Planned Parenthood owns Democrats. There is no doubt that Planned Parenthood gives incredible financial aid to the Democratic Party and to Democratic candidates. It gives none to Republican candidates but spends considerable money to stop Republican candidates. Planned Parenthood receives about 587 million (2014 figures) in tax money and in the last three election cycles Planned Parenthood advocacy and political arms, employees, and their families have spent over $38 million to elect or defeat candidates for federal office who decide how much taxpayers subsidize the nation’s largest abortion provider. They appear now to be spending about $30 million for this year’s midterm elections to support democrats. Matt Walsh of the Daily Wire even goes so far to say that Planned Parenthood launders money for the Democratic Party “The abortion conglomerate has been giving millions to Democrat campaigns and Democrat causes for decades. Meanwhile, they are given millions — 500 million, to be exact — in taxpayer dollars annually.” It would appear that money trumps over care for the poor and defenseless babies in the womb. I find this very sad.
To be perfectly frank, I do not like Planned Parenthood. I look to some of the things that its founder, Margaret Sanger has said about the workings of Planned Parenthood. She referred to blacks and other minorities as “…human weeds,’ ‘reckless breeders,’ ‘spawning… human beings who never should have been born.” Margaret Sanger, Pivot of Civilization. She also said, “We do not want word to go out that we want to exterminate the Negro population,” Woman’s Body, Woman’s Right: A Social History of Birth Control in America, by Linda Gordon. Planned Parenthood seems to be doing that now through abortion and birth control measures. Our society seems to be ignoring this terrible race discrimination. As Christians, we recognize that all people are equal in the eyes of God. We are all His children. Planned Parenthood is quickly eliminating God’s children, both black and white, but with a very unequal rate against blacks. This has to stop.
We have lost over 56,000,000 lives to abortion since the Supreme Court decision (compare this to 1,354,664 total deaths in ALL the wars we have fought since we became a nation). I can’t help but to wonder if we killed off the person who would have found a cure to cancer, or other terrible diseases. What if we lost another Beethoven, or Tolkien or……. We really do not know. In 1994 Mother Theresa was invited to speak at the National Prayer Breakfast at the White House. She said, “The greatest destroyer of peace today is abortion, because it is a war against the child, a direct killing of the innocent child, murder by the mother herself. And if we accept that a mother can kill even her own child, how can we tell other people not to kill one another? How do we persuade a woman not to have an abortion? As always, we must persuade her with love and we remind ourselves that love means to be willing to give until it hurts. Jesus gave even His life to love us. So, the mother who is thinking of abortion, should be helped to love, that is, to give until it hurts her plans, or her free time, to respect the life of her child. The father of that child, whoever he is, must also give until it hurts.
By abortion, the mother does not learn to love, but kills even her own child to solve her problems. And, by abortion, that father is told that he does not have to take any responsibility at all for the child he has brought into the world. The father is likely to put other women into the same trouble. So abortion just leads to more abortion. Any country that accepts abortion is not teaching its people to love, but to use any violence to get what they want. This is why the greatest destroyer of love and peace is abortion.” It is also said that Hillary Clinton asked her why there hasn’t been a woman President yet and Mother Teresa said that is probably because she was aborted.
I have a great deal of compassion for the woman who finds herself pregnant and feels that she just cannot give birth to the child. So often she is led, not always freely, to choose abortion. Once she chooses this she is often filled with guilt and remorse. In my ministry as a deacon, I have dealt with a considerable number of women in this situation. I will share one story that I shared in a previous article. One time, a woman that I knew, come up to me and asked me why I was always smiling and always so happy. I told her that it was because I believed in a God who loved me, gave me hope and forgave me. She said that she found it hard to believe in a God like that. She had lived a very difficult life and it was only recently that she had been able to come out of those difficulties. A few days after our initial encounter, she asked to speak to me in private. We talked for a while and she told me that she didn’t think that God could forgive her. I asked her why she thought that. She told me that she had an abortion when she was quite young and that it had plagued her with guilt ever since. She told me that she couldn’t forgive herself, so how could God forgive her? I felt really bad for this woman, and the pain that she had held on to for over twenty years. She had been away from the Church for quite some time, but was just now thinking of coming back. I asked her to speak to a priest about forgiveness and receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I also hooked her up with a local organization that gave counseling to women who have had abortions. Fortunately, she took me up on my advice and responded well and the change in her gives new meaning to the phrase, “born again”. Unfortunately she is not the only woman who has come to me with the same guilt and remorse that having an abortion brings.
Too often woman are coerced in to abortion by boyfriends, husbands, fathers and mothers, friends etc. Too often this coercion is through threats of violence and black mail. I feel so bad for these women. They should be given other choices. For me, adoption is one that helps all involved. We have one daughter who we adopted. Her birth mother was only 17 and a senior in High School but because she had the support of her family, she chose to give birth to her child and give her up for adoption. I thank God for that because now I have a daughter (and three grandsons) who have brought me so much joy. It is imperative that our government and churches and social agencies work to help women who are pregnant and do not have the ability to keep their children. What seems like a quick and easy out, abortion, often leads to much pain and guilt for all of their lives.
Lastly, we really need to consider the unborn baby. The life that is there should have the right to live and experience all that life has to offer us, including celebrating birthdays. Abortion totally takes that away from them. Even in life situations where poverty and disease and handicaps seem to indicate that life will not be good, so many examples exist to show that children can excel no matter what. It is the mandate of society and its government to make sure that we all have that inalienable right to life. God has brought forth life and we should not take that away. We need to create a society where life is respected and we all work together to ensure that.

Witnessing – by A.J. Avila

Anxiety and Worry, Ethics, Evangelism, Forgiveness, Morality, Peace and Justice, Relationships, Trust

I know a person who actually was in a witness protection program.
He worked for a financial institution, and apparently some swindling was going on in the background. It showed up in an audit, and my friend was served with a subpoena to testify in court.
That’s when, in the middle of the night, a couple of guys kicked in his apartment door, shoved the business end of a gun between his eyes, and told him that if he testified, they would come back and pull the trigger.
After they left, he called the police.
The police called the FBI.
The FBI agents told him to pack a suitcase, that he was moving out immediately and going into witness protection.
Within a day they had found him a new apartment and moved his belongings there. He was told not to contact anyone he knew, neither friends nor family. An FBI agent moved into the apartment in order to protect him.
My friend couldn’t believe this was happening. He knew only a tiny piece of what was a complicated jigsaw puzzle in the embezzlement case. But, apparently, it was a pertinent piece.
It took my husband and I a while to realize our friend had dropped off the radar. He wouldn’t return our phone calls, and after talking to some other friends, we realized he wasn’t getting in contact with them either.
Then, one day, out of the blue, he called me.
He said he was okay but couldn’t tell me what was going on. He said he had snuck a cell phone down to the laundry room and that’s how he could phone me.
Like a soldier on a foreign battlefield, he was hungry for news from home. I filled him in on the latest in our lives.
Meanwhile, as I later found out, he wasn’t allowed to get a job because those who were threatening his life might find him that way. He was stuck in an apartment with nothing to do for month after month as the case dragged through the legal system. Worse, since he couldn’t work, the expenses of living were eating up his life savings.
And, after everything my friend went through, the District Attorney dropped the charges.
For all I know, threats were made to other individuals subpoenaed to testify, and they caved in—resulting in the lack of enough evidence to prosecute.
Whatever the reason, it freed my friend to get out of witness protection and go back to his life.
I consider my friend a martyr.
The word “martyr” means “witness.” Having the guts to stand up and tell the truth when threatened isn’t easy. In some ways a daily martyrdom like that is even tougher than a quick noose or ax.
I’m glad to report that my friend has gotten back on his feet and is doing well.
As for the embezzlers, the statute of limitations has run out. They probably think they got away with it.
But, as you and I know, God Himself is also a witness to their crimes, and unless they repent, the charges will not once again be dropped.

On Trust and Forgiveness by A. J. Avila

Charity, Family, Forgiveness, Trust

On Trust and Forgiveness

Posted on December 16, 2017 by ajavilanovels

Growing up, I heard a lot of stories about World War II. The most bizarre one I ever heard, however, took place on our own shores.
It involved the man who would one day become my father-in-law. Jake (not his real name), was drafted into the army and sent to fight in Europe. Before he left, he arranged for his salary to be deposited into his brother’s bank account. His brother agreed that when he came back, the cash would be waiting for him. But if he didn’t return, there would be no question where the money was supposed to go, and there wouldn’t be any problems about a will and probate.
When he came back from the war, Jake asked his brother for his money.
And it was gone. His brother had spent every penny.
Maybe the brother was betting that Jake would die in action, so he figured he would get an early start on his inheritance.
Now, I don’t know about you, but if one of my siblings stole just one day’s wages from me, I’d be more than a little miffed.
This guy stole years of salary.
Amazingly, Jake forgave him, even though it meant he came back to the States totally broke.
Wait. It gets worse. You’d think the brother would do whatever he could to make it up to Jake, right? You’d think he’d work out a plan to repay him.
Nope. He never repaid a cent. He didn’t even attempt to repay any of it.
Years later, speaking about this, Jake just shrugged and said, “I guess he really needed the money.”
That’s the kind of man Jake was.
It reminds me of our debt to God. We’re supposed to do penance to make up for our sins. The problem, of course, is that no penance can totally make up to an infinitely good God for even the slightest of our sins. Yet, if we at least do what we can, He’s willing to wipe the slate clean by giving us indulgences.
I shudder to think what would happen if we didn’t at the very least try to do penance.
I was fortunate enough to marry the son of a man who was so Christ-like that he wiped out his brother’s entire debt.
I can always keep before me Jake’s example of love and forgiveness.