Fifteen years ago, Today, the Love of my Life died of cancer.
On the evening of Sharon’s death, I was all alone except a friend who came over, probably for suicide watch. We were in my shop when I had my first experience of the odor of Sanctity. The shop completely and instantly filled up with the scent of the most beautiful, Heavenly perfume I’ve ever smelled. I kept asking my friend if he could smell it but he couldn’t. I even went outside and walked all around the shop to see if I could discover it’s source. It was several months later I gave my Life to the Lord and He delivered me from an 18 year meth addiction. I had not yet even heard of the phenomenon of the Odor of Sanctity but I had a conviction I had a Heavenly visitor that night.
About six months later I wept all over a mountain side that was covered with wildflowers. It was like a botanical garden. I was picking wildflowers with the intention of covering Sharon’s grave with them when I came out of the mountains the following day. As I was picking them I kept saying ”These are for You Baby.” I would instantly collapse into a weeping sobbing heap remembering all the lies I told her about my drug use and whereabouts. I was begging Sharon and begging God to forgive me for who and what I had become. I would recover and resume picking flowers again only to say “These are for you Baby” and Thud… I would collapse into a weeping, sobbing mess again… and again… and again. I finally had a feeling come over me that I was supposed to write something to or for Sharon so I gathered up my wildflowers and returned to my camp and started writing this letter to her. When I wrote the first line I looked up and saw what I call an angel. Honestly, I don’t know what it… He… She was but it was glowing and it looked like it had arms outstretched toward me. It just drifted away until it was out of sight. What I do know is that something Supernatural happened to me that day.
On the anniversary of Sharon’s Death I published what I started writing that day as a Tribute to her in local Obituaries.
“Baby, As long as I live, I will never forget your innocence of a child’s glee smile. It was Christmas time, several years ago and you were watching the Santa Clause you had just bought. I was setting behind you watching this five foot Santa articulating and singing thinking to myself: “I wonder how much this stupid contraption cost?” When you suddenly turned around and looked at me with that smile. That smile of enraptured delight just emanating from your expression. In my lifetime I have never seen such innocence and transparent childlike glee before. Not even close! It was like someone had opened up the window of your soul and right then and right there I saw your heart. That your heart was a true heart. A pure and simple and innocent heart and of more value than anything in this world.
I’m sorry I was a fool. I am so very sorry Baby. Seldom. Very seldom does a day go by that I dont break down and cry when I think of you. The way you were/are. I will never forgive myself for the things I did that hurt such a gentle soul. You were always so kind and generous and loving. It was something that just came so natural to you, like water flowing, like the sun shining, like clouds drifting. Even now I feel your love affecting and influencing my life, my health, my everything. I ALWAYS feel your gentle nudge in my heart. I will NEVER forget your kindness to me. Like the way you took your “storage” room and made it into a “Kevin” room. You made every little detail to the way you thought it would bring a “feel at home” and “make Kevin feel welcome here” essence about it and it did. I want you to know this. Like every endeavor you started you finished with a loving and caring touch. Like Jake’s “dog cabin” you built. With a front porch, breezeway, insulated with an electric heater and two double pane windows so Jake could look out. It was complete with a cedar shake roof and a weather vane on top. Not that Jake ever even once slept in it because you would say: “Tobyyyy Kitty, Jakeyyy, time go bed.” And Jake would instantly climb off the couch and head for the waterbed. I will NEVER forget all the love you showered on me, Jake and Kitty Toby. On EVERYONE Who’s life you touched you imparted a gracious essence of “you”. Like all the help you gave your Mom and Dad, Windy, Barb, Izzy, Jean and everyone else. Like the way you had Christmas and Birthday presents bought and made two and three years ahead of time for many of us. If a person or any creature was Sharon McCarthy Sterling’s Friend, they truly had a friend. A friend in deed. A friend in truth. I love you Baby. I know that God took you because one such as you has an intrinsic value and you will apply yourself to good works in God’s Kingdom, for His Eternal Purpose and for His Glory. I Miss you Baby. I will never forget you Sharon and I will never stop loving you. I long for the day I see you again, and I know I will, and when I do, if you don’t have a hammer or a saw or a paintbrush or a gardening trowel in your hand, I KNOW you will have that same smile of innocent childlike delight glowing on your face.
Luv, Me
“Jesus said unto her “I Am the resurrection and the life. He that believes in Me, though he were dead, yet shall he live and he who lives and believes in Me shall never die. Do you believe this?” John 11:25 -26
There is a lot more to this that words just get in the way of expressing. How in living and in dying, Sharon has helped turn and continues to turn my life around. “Except a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies it abides alone. But if it falls into the ground and dies it brings forth much fruit. It’s a debt I cannot repay. It’s about how “the blinding light of God’s Grace can come breaking through with a sweetness that’s only tasted by the forgiven and redeemed.” If you or someone you love is traveling along that same dark and desperate path of drug addiction and sin that I once travelled, perhaps I can point you to Someone Who can and will help you. Someone doesn’t have to die to deliver you from Satan’s hand. Someone already has. I would feel and truly be blessed if I could humbly point you to that Someone. His Name is Jesus.”
On Memorial Day, two years ago I stood by Sharon’s grave and I asked God if it was wrong of me to have my conviction that she gave up her life for mine. Several minutes later a friend in Mississippi texted me a Bible verse “No greater love has anyone than this, to give up their life for their friend.”
On August 2018 While on a Pilgrimage to the Sharon Camp where I encountered God in 2006 I recorded this event:
“At sunset yesterday I picked a bunch of wildflowers and took them to the Sharon tree. I spent some time there praying and talking to Sharon and God.
Earlier, I asked God something I don’t recall ever asking Him before. If I could have some sort of a special visit with Sharon. I wondered if such a request was proper or even admissible, or perhaps what it even meant and why I was asking it? I didn’t know it would play out quite like this.
I told Sharon that largely because of her story I’ve pleaded for the lives of thousands of children. That every time I plead for a child not to be aborted, her child that was aborted did not die in vain. That every time I point post abortive women to God’s mercy, forgiveness and healing that it honors her and that her broken heart was not in vain. I didn’t understand why, but I found myself asking her if she greets these aborted children in heaven and if they are now her friends there? I then had the clearest visual of Sharon, surrounded by beautiful children, full of joy, walking through a beautiful meadow, she was beaming, looking down at them and they were all skipping and dancing looking up at her.
A few minutes later I remembered something that happened a couple years back. It was first thing in the morning and I picked up my Bible to start reading it. Normally I do my prayer time first so I laid my Bible aside. As I did I sensed the Holy Spirit say very clearly. “When you get done with your prayers I have a special Word from the Scriptures for you.” When I finished my prayer time and picked up my Bible the first Verse I laid eyes on was Isaiah 65:10 “Sharon shall be a fold of flocks”
I will never forget the way Sharon was sobbing the day she told me about her abortion. She was crying uncontrollably when she told me that she had always just wanted to be a mother.
I feel that we are somehow “In this Together!”
“Sharon shall be a fold of flocks.” Isaiah 65:10
We have a Strange and Merciful and Magnificent and Beautiful God!!!!