Category Archives: Family

A Catholic – Christian Response to Violence- by Deacon Marty McIndoe

Blessed Virgin Mary, Church, Eucharist, Evangelism, Family, Morality, Peace and Justice, Penance and Reconciliation, Prayer, Sacraments

Israel 344This is the entrance to modern day Bethlehem, the city where the Prince of Peace was born.  It is only one reminder of how violence changes things for the worse.

Sometimes I find it so difficult to face the news of the day.  I know that there are so many good people in the world today that are doing so many good things, but then we are confronted with some people who just seem to be totally influenced by pure evil.  The recent attack in Dallas, Texas has caused me to write this post.  Five Police Officers were killed and six more wounded while they were trying to keep peace at a protest against police violence.   Police Officers have one of the toughest jobs in the world and the vast majority of them do an absolutely fantastic job.  I was really struck by the fact that when the gunfire began at the Dallas rally, Police Officers began shielding, with their own lives, the people that were protesting against them.  That is just an example of how the Police Officer operates.  He or she is trained to Protect and Serve.  In response they are often treated very poorly.

I think that this is just a small portion of the problem we have today.  People seem to think that acts of violence are a way of achieving certain goals.  We then throw in to that racial bias and you can see how messed up we really are.  We have groups like Black Lives Matter who say that Police unfairly attack blacks.  Now, there may be some occasions when this happens, but that is rare.  In 2015 Police Officers had to take the lives of 494 white people and 258 black people.  That hardly seems racist.  It is absolutely terrible that any lives had to be taken, white or black.  But, violence is a large part of our society.  There are some people who believe that making gun ownership illegal would solve that, but as a former law enforcement officer myself, I can tell you that people will get the guns whether they are legal or not.  There are plenty of statistics to show that certain cities that have outlawed guns still have a high rate of people being shot.  We really need to go down much further in to the problem to try to stem violence.

Violence seems so present in our society.  I used to work in the Family Court and I could not believe what some husbands and wives did to each other.  Even young children seemed to act out in fits of violence.  It is hard to find a movie or tv show that doesn’t have a great deal of violence in it.  I look at the video games out there, and they are filled with violence.  This isn’t something new.  Even when I was growing up the cartoons had a lot of violence.  We seem to be a people that are fascinated with violence.  Along with that, there seems to be a shrinking respect for LIFE in all of its forms.   Here in the United States over one million mothers take the lives of their children through abortion each year. Soon to be St. Theresa of Calcutta said, “We must not be surprised when we hear of murders, of killings, of wars, of hatred. If a mother can kill her own child, what is left but for us to kill each other?”  Euthanasia seems to be growing too.  We can’t be a people that JUST say, Black Lives Matter; we need to be a people that say, EVERY LIFE MATTERS.

So, as Catholics growing in our faith, how do we deal with this?  First of all, PRAYER is very powerful.  I was so moved at mass today when our Pastor dedicated the whole mass (including selecting special Eucharistic Prayers) to ending violence and establishing PEACE.  We must make it our constant prayer to ask for peace.  We also must change our lives to turn away from violence.  Instead of watching those extremely violent movies and TV shows, turn towards ones that offer less violence.  In our every day actions, we need to try to be more peaceful.  When that car driver cuts you off, don’t swear or raise a finger at him, pray for him.  We need to tone down yelling in our relationships within our family.  We must try to do things that lead toward peace.  Let us recall the words of Pope Francis, “May the God of peace arouse in all an authentic desire for dialogue and reconciliation. Violence cannot be overcome with violence. Violence is overcome with peace.”

Our Church has given us tools to help keep us from being influenced by the evil one who loves to lead us towards violence and death and disunity.  Attending mass is one of the best ways to grow in to the person Jesus wants us to be.  We become more like him, when we receive him.  The Sacrament of Reconciliation helps not only us, but the people we live with.  I already mentioned prayer, but I want to mention it again because it is so powerful.  I especially recommend asking Our Blessed Mother, Mary to intercede for us.  She loves us all as her children and wants us to live together in peace and in harmony.  We call her the Queen of Peace.   We must follow the Church’s lead in calling all people to respect LIFE in all of its form.  Respect for LIFE should be at the heart of who we are.  Be a people who say, EVERY LIFE MATTERS.  Stand up for the Christian values that have been taught us and live them out.  When we end mass we are told, “GO FORTH”; that means that we have now been empowered by the Lord and sent out to make a difference in this world.  We really need to change this world.

 

 

What God Has Joined Together – by Deacon Marty McIndoe

Church, Family, Liturgy, Marriage, Sacraments, Spirituality

KTWeddingEarlier this year I presided at the wedding of my Godson (through RCIA) and his lovely wife.

My wife and I just celebrated our 47th wedding anniversary.  So far, for June, I have presided at three different weddings.  I really enjoy presiding at weddings because I love to see the joy of the couple and I know how important weddings are to the Church.  I thought it would be a great time to look at this gift that God has given us in Marriage.  For us as Catholics, the Church tells us that The Sacrament of Matrimony is one of the seven sacraments of the Church.  We then immediately know that, as a Sacrament, it is an outward and visible sign of inward and spiritual divine grace.   This Sacrament of Marriage is one part of the two “Mission” sacraments, along with the Sacrament of Holy Orders.  We speak of having a vocation to Holy Orders (Bishop, Priest or Deacon) and/or a vocation to Matrimony.  In actuality, deacons can have both.   They both are so important in the mission of the Church.  Remember that Vocation literally means a calling from God.   Let us look at this special calling from God when we discern that we are called to be married.

Unfortunately today the Church has seen a drop in the number of people who want to get married in the Church.  So many young people have pushed God to the side in their lives and a Church wedding isn’t that important to them.  I find this to be sad, as I believe very strongly that when a couple enters in to the Sacrament of Marriage, it is a forever gift of Divine Grace to them.  I certainly would not want to say that people who marry outside of the Sacrament are not helped out by God in their marriage.  God works through all things.  However, those people who know what Sacramental Grace is all about, would definitely want to have the Sacrament of Marriage.  I also know that the Church, because it holds this Sacrament up so high, makes it somewhat hard to receive it, if the right conditions are not met.  Those who have had a previous marriage know that they must first deal with that previous marriage by either annulment or “defect of form”.  Each case varies so much that it is impossible to cover it all in this article, but your local priest or deacon will help you.

In the book of Genesis we hear how God first creates man and the animals but then sees that man needs something more than animals to fulfill his life.  It is then that He creates woman from the very side of man (bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh).  Genesis also clearly states that God is VERY pleased with what He has created.  Genesis also tells us that when God created man and woman He created THEM in His very image.  For me, that means that if I really want to see the image of God, I cannot look at just a man or just a woman.  I need to look at both of them to see His image.  A man and woman joined together in marriage reflect who God is.  The love and care and concern and nurturing and fruitfulness of their relationship reveal God himself.  God created us as equals, but also quite different.  As the French say, Vive la difference (literally, long live the difference).  We cannot help but to see that the idea for marriage between a man and a woman comes to us directly from God at the very beginning of creation.

Our God is a God of LIFE!  He decided that we would join in with Him in co-creating Life.  He made the difference between man and woman a means of bringing forth new life.  Anyone who has been pregnant or been around someone who is pregnant cannot help but to be in awe at this gift of life.  When a man and woman come together to bring forth life, they are living their own source and summit of their marriage (yes, I know these words are often used concerning the Eucharist which is the high point of our Christian life and worship).  It is definitely the high point of their call.  However, just like God, married life should be totally surrounded by LOVE.  A man and woman who are called by God to come to the Sacrament of Matrimony are called by the great LOVE that they have for each other.  It is this LOVE, which is the very essence of God that brings LIFE in to a marriage.

Life in a marriage is much more than just having children, although that is certainly important.  Life in a marriage means that the man and wife help to bring LIFE to each other, every day.  They are there to help each grow in relationship to each other and in relationship to God.  They are there to support and encourage each other and to assist each other in the ministries that God calls them to.  In my marriage, each of us has different ministries.  Some we do separate from each other, and some we do together.  No matter what, we support each other in our ministries.  Certainly one important ministry is raising our children.  This is a joy filled, but difficult, endeavor.  We need each other to assist one another and support one another.  But, we also need to have time alone for each other.  When I do marriage preparation (Pre-Cana), I always tell the couples that they need to have time alone with each other.  There should always be some kind of “date night”.  I know that this is sometimes difficult to do, but we really need to do it.  Let grandparents or aunts and uncles or friends come in to watch your children while you go out.  If money is tight, you don’t need to spend a lot.  Sometimes a walk on a beach or in the woods, or downtown, is all you need.  The Church realizes that the family is the basic building block of the Church and the bond between the man and woman is the basic building block of the family.  We also know that marriage is a rich symbol of the relationship that Jesus, the groom, has with his Church, the bride.  When we see man and wife loving each other and caring for each other and supporting each other, we can see what Jesus does for the Church.

I don’t think that it is an accident that the first miracle recorded in the Gospels that Jesus performs is the turning water in to wine at the Wedding Feast of Cana.  Jesus, in doing this, shows us that with him we can have the very best wine, not just some lower grade.  With Jesus in our marriage, we can have the very best marriage.  One that people will recognize as a gift from God.  Jesus talks about marriage in his Gospels.  He recalls the Genesis account on the creation of woman and said that “therefore a man must leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH”.    He then tells them that “Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let no man separate.”  This is why the Church takes such a tough stand on divorce.

Marriage, as good as it is, is still difficult at times.  Having two different people living together in the same space and having to make important decisions is not easy.   That is where God’s grace comes in.  I have no doubt in my mind that if my wife and I hadn’t invited Jesus in to our marriage, we would not be together today.  Now, after 47 years of marriage, I can tell you that even counting the difficult times, it is the best thing that I have done.  I give thanks to God for the way He works through both of us and I pray that you, in your marriage, will open yourselves up to inviting Jesus in more and more each day.  With Jesus, marriage can be full and sparkling and enjoyable, like the very best wine.

 

A Father of 23 Children Looks at Father’s Day – by Deacon Bob Mongillo

Family, Fatherhood, Marriage, Peace and Justice

DadMongillo2Deacon Bob and Barbara Mongillo and their family

When Deacon Marty asked me to write about being a father, and fatherhood, I was both honored and humbled that he asked me.  As I was thinking about what to write, in a limited amount of words, I began to put my thoughts together.

As I began to compose this, I am sitting in the surgery waiting room at St Charles Hospital after just kissing my daughter Ivana good bye as she went into surgery.  And two thoughts came into my mind; fatherhood is sometimes when you have to make choices and put those you love dearly in the hands of professionals, who are Gods helping and gifted hands here on Earth.

Today, Friday, Ivana has surgery and Kyle graduates from grammar school.  How I wish I could split myself in two but that is not possible.  So, one of the characteristics of being a father is making choices.  I so wanted to see Kyle walk down that aisle, after learning how to walk after 10 years, and being a successful recipient of a kidney transplant almost 4 years ago. Thank God for technology!!

I can probably be most effective about my experiences of being a father by telling you my story.  Next week it will be 36 years since I married my childhood sweetheart, Barbara.  Together we have 23 children. 6 biological children and 17 adopted special needs children. But we never make any distinction between the two. They are all Mongillo’s.  I love being a Dad. I never imagined that I would be a father to this number, but if I had to do it again, I would do it all again the same way.

My Dad was a traditional Dad. He was the breadwinner and Mom was the nurturer.  I am completely the opposite of that.  I love being a part of the everyday lives of my children.  I love sharing in their triumphs and always support them and sometimes have to get them back on their feet when the chips are down.

I always try to see the good and positive in each one of them.  I also strive to give them wings so they can too can become better Moms and Dads.  And, soon becoming a Grandpa for the sixth time, is a gift.

Both Barbara and I try to plant a seed in each one of them.  And we are blessed to see the fruit of these seeds in their actions and words.  Being a Dad is a true gift from God.  There are not enough words to describe this role. Being successful in my career was important, but far less important than being a good father.  God has been good to me and blessed me.  He has helped us in our time of need.  When three of our children were called home to God, He gave us, and continues to give us, the strength to cope with loss.  So, as we set aside this special day to honor Dads, I wish all the Dads blessings today and every day.

DadMongilo familyBob and Barbara’s children in their home.

DadHookedOnA very special gift.

 

Deacon Bob Mongillo is currently a deacon at St. Francis de Sales Parish in Patchogue, NY.   He was Born in Woodhaven, Queens, NY and married Barbara in June 1980.  He is the father of 23 children.  He lived in East Meadow for 22 years before moving to Patchogue.  He was ordained a deacon in May 2001 from St Raphael’s, East Meadow.  He served as Deacon, Business Mgr and Director of Parish Social Ministry, St Rosalie parish in Hampton Bays, NY  for 10 years.

A Look at Memorial Day – by Deacon Marty McIndoe

Family, Peace and Justice, Prayer

Arlington-National-Cemetery

Memorial Day, and the whole Memorial Day weekend isn’t just about the beginning of summer and having great BBQ parties.  It is a time for us to stop and remember and pray for those men and women who sacrificed their lives in service to our country.  Pray also for their families and friends who still miss them.  I think about my grandmother who sent all three of her sons off to war in Europe (WWII).  My birth-father was in the Normandy Invasion and even though he physically came home, he suffered from “shell shock” (now called PTSD).  His brother, my uncle Milo, came home missing one leg.  My birth-father’s youngest brother, Karlo died in WWII in Italy when he was only seventeen years old.  I can’t help but to see how this has affected my family.  My birth-father and my uncle Milo suffered a lifelong disability, and my uncle Karlo never had the chance to get married, have children, or live life.  War is terrible.  Unfortunately, mankind is still violent and we need to have armies to protect us.  I myself am a U.S. Army Vietnam era veteran and proud of my service, but I always pray for PEACE.  I ask you to join me in honoring those who gave up their lives for freedom and to also pray for an end of war and terrorism.   Remember that this freedom that we have, came at a great cost.  I think that this weekend is a great time to look at some statistics that reflect that cost.  Below I have cited the war death statistics for the major wars since WWI.  Please note that there have been numerous deaths in smaller conflicts not listed.  This does not include those who were wounded.

Some very sobering statistics:

WWI                                      116,516

WWII                                     405,394

KOREA                                    52,246

VIETNAM                                58,209

AFGHANISTAN                        2,229

IRAQ                                          4,488

ALSO:  Every day approximately 22 veterans commit suicide.  This is part of the price of war.  We need to do whatever we can to keep this from happening.

I would like to ask you to join me in a prayer.

Memorial Day Prayer – by Deacon Marty McIndoe

Heavenly Father, you inspire strength in men and women to protect and to fight for freedom.  On this Memorial Day we remember, in a very special way, all those men and women who gave their life so that others might be free.  We think of the words of your son Jesus when he said, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”  Father, we offer you a prayer of thanksgiving for the sacrifice that these men and women have made.  We thank you for the freedom that we have because of them.  We thank you for the freedom that so many other countries have because of them.  We ask you Father to bless their family and friends who miss them so much.  Help them to take comfort in knowing that their lives helped bring about freedom.  Help all of us to never take for granted the freedom that we enjoy, or forget the tremendous price paid for that freedom.  We earnestly ask that war stop.  We ask you to help all of the leaders of the world to find ways of seeking peace instead of war.  We ask you to soften the hearts of those who want to take freedom away or who want to impose their own rules upon others.  We ask you to destroy terrorism.  We know that there are so many threats to our freedom.  Help and protect all those who currently serve in our Armed Forces.  May we always be proud of them.  May you lead and guide our Country in all things.

The Two Most Sacred Places in the World by A.J. Avila

Blessed Virgin Mary, Family, Marriage

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Goodness, how God loves women!

God loves women so much; I’m tempted to say He’s unfair to men.

What is God’s greatest work of creation? It’s not stars and planets. It’s not plants or animals. It’s sentient beings with immortal souls. And we know of only two kinds of those: angels and humans.

Well, angels don’t reproduce. Cherubim might be portrayed as chubby little babies, but they’re nothing of the sort. Angels don’t have sexual relations with each other. Angels don’t get pregnant, and they don’t give birth.

But women do. God has allowed women the biggest role (next to His own) in the incredible work of bringing new immortal souls into creation.

Oh, men have their part in that, and I don’t mean to downplay it. But it is a fact that if, after a man and women have relations, the man gets hit by a bus, any baby can survive that. If the woman gets hit by a bus, however, both mother and child die. Her role, biologically speaking, is far more crucial.

Twice I’ve been pregnant, and both times I was amazed at what I was doing. Those first little butterfly-like kicks in my body signaled that the life growing inside me was indeed a separate entity. In time the kicks grew stronger, and I could sometimes even tell where an elbow or a knee was. Yes, I had morning sickness, swollen ankles, and of course a painful labor at the end of it. But it was worth it. Oh, how it was worth it! You can never feel as close to another human being as you do to the child growing inside your body.

Sometimes I think the reason God allows only men to become priests is because He had to give them something to make up for denying them all of that.

And when you think about it more deeply you can see that these two roles: mothers and Fathers (as in Catholic priests) are complementary. Mothers, through childbirth, bring the people to God. Fathers, through the Eucharist, bring God to the people. As Dr. Peter Kreeft once put it, the two most sacred places in the world are wombs and altars.

Only once has this role been changed, and it was for a very special occasion. The Blessed Virgin Mary, through childbirth, brought God to the people.

My own mother has been gone almost ten years now. So that means I have two mothers in heaven: my biological mother and the mother Jesus gave me from the cross.

This Mothers’ Day let us pay homage to both of our mothers, for they both co-operated with God’s great work of creation.

Miracles from Heaven by Deacon Marty McIndoe

Evangelism, Family, Healing, Marriage, Miracles, Movie Reviews, Prayer

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“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”   Albert Einstein

 

My wife and I just saw the movie, “Miracles from Heaven” starring Jennifer Garner, Kylie Rogers, Martin Henderson and Queen Latifah.  It was certainly a movie that I would recommend to anyone.  It is based on a true story about an initially happy Christian family living in Texas.  When the movie opens, everything seems as it should be.  There is good family communication, a beautiful farm that they live on, and every Sunday they attend an active Evangelical Church with good music and worship.  The father even says to the mother, “this is the good life”.  Then, the ten year old daughter, Anna, becomes ill.  She has a rare, incurable, digestive disorder where her body cannot handle food.  This disorder causes her severe pain, and there doesn’t seem any hope from the medical world.

The girl’s mother, played extremely well by Jennifer Garner, will do anything to help her daughter.  She struggles with doctors until she finally forces herself upon a specialist in this field at Boston Children’s Hospital.  Even this specialist doesn’t give her much hope.  The mother never gives up on her daughter, but does give up on her faith in God.  The family exhausts all of their financial resources trying to bring comfort to their daughter.  The scenes where she is suffering so badly, while the family cannot do anything to help her, are quite intense and you certainly feel the mother’s anguish.

Then, something happens.  The daughter is climbing a tall dead tree in their yard in Texas.  A branch breaks and Anna plummets thirty feet in to the hollow tree.  It takes rescuers many hours to get her out.  When they do, she is brought unconscious to the hospital.  When Anna awakens, the symptoms of the incurable disease are gone.  Anna shares with her mom how God spoke to her in heaven about how he was healing her.  I don’t want to get in to too much detail because I don’t want to spoil the story for you, but her healing is seen as a real miracle by all involved, including the doctors.  This miracle brings back the faith of her mom as well as the faith of many involved.

At the very end, the mother speaks to their church and says some things that are very important.  She recognizes the miraculous healing of her daughter, but also shows how she saw miracles happen throughout the whole journey involving many different people in what would be seen as doing ordinary things.  There is a lot of power there, especially when they flash back on these things.  After the movie ends, they have pictures and videos of the real family.  Make sure you stay for those.

As Catholics, we believe strongly in miracles.  Our history is full of them.  We also know that miracles don’t always happen in the way we want them.  To me, the strength of this movie is not just the actual miraculous healing, but in the family and friends and what they did during the difficult times.  God works miracles in so many ways.  More often than not, he works them through every day, ordinary actions of love.  I would really suggest you take the time to see this movie.  It is so much better than so many movies we are exposed to.  The faith, love, and gift of family and friendship that this movie offers is so refreshing.  God bless.